What 's the rush?

My husband dated regularly before we met. And though never a "bed hopper" nevertheless being a handsome and intelligent brit (anyone care to swoon over that accent?) afforded him the companionship of always attractive, mostly sane females. The emphasis on "mostly" sane. For there were the requisite crackpots, those females in such a rush to couple and procreate that they were discussing china patterns and baby names on the first date. Ok perhaps not to that exagerated degree, but to the extent that more than one female on the second or third date expressed the desire to both meet his children and "move the relationship forward". FYI-trying to prematurely rush a relationship is the dating kiss of death; I am allowed to express this opinion as I have made the same mistake myself. Of trying to expedite and manipulate a fledgling relationship before it's true inception. Unfortunately, some people who are bereft of companionship for an extended period of time lose perspective regarding a realistic relationship timeline. Loneliness thus motivates a fabrication of companionship at the first hint of attraction, resulting in a cloak of proverbial desperation that makes one person resemble a creepy stalker and one person want to flee for the hills. I don't attribute this behavior solely to loneliness. There are those who prematurely discuss permanency and relationship status in pursuit of ego or conquest; they prey on the vulnerable rather than embodying them. For the gratification of their selfish desires or outcome. For example, a close friend recently met a guy who spoke of marriage and babies 4 hours into their dinner date. When she giddily relayed this to me, the hair on the back of my neck rose. I am extremely speculative of anyone who discusses these things on the first date. I find it extremely suspicous behavior and warned her accordingly. Imagine my surprise when she later informed me that he had #1-tried to plan a "slumber party" on the second date and #2-had not called her when she had rebuffed his advances, asking him if he would not mind waiting. Dear Reader, I am not a complete cynic, having myself met and married my husband within 9 months of meeting him. However, our first date consisted of high tea at the 4 seasons hotel, where we discussed mutual interests in movies and English history, and laughed over the silly antics of our close knit families. He was not trying to plan his next bedroom move, nor was I crocheting baby booties under the table. It was natural, and it flowed, and the segue into our engagement was neither plotted nor postured. Things were meant to be and it happened that way. Trust me, I had to learn patience. In the ten years between my first and second marriage I had plenty of time to repeat mistakes until the lessons stuck, I stopped blaming circumstance, everyone and their cousin for my bad decisions, and honed my character to the point of ridiculousness. It was difficult, but it transformed this once impatient, impulsive creature hell bent on reckless relationship choices to a self assured, grounded individual enjoying her life as it was, mostly content to enjoy the now and wait for love to come. The key was that once I was ready, it came to me. And if you are willing to work on yourself, and let things happen naturally in relatioships, love will come to you and it will so be worth the wait.