A slow but productive recovery

This blog pays inadvertent homage to someone very special to me; an old friend with whom I recently re-connected after a long separation. Throughout an emotional and lively discussion summarizing the last 15 years of our lives, the joy, heartbreak (which she has unfortunately experienced in spades over an extremely painful divorce) and triumph, her smile was alight with enthusiasm, and her eyes never lost their hopeful exuberance, even while teary over a particularly raw recounting. Hers was a particularly painful divorce; substance abuse being the main proponent of their demise, followed by the destructive aftermath of ruined credit, court battles and poor health at 38. The final step was moving from a multi million dollar home back to her parent's house, sharing a bedroom with her youngest daughter. The disintegration of a beloved mate, alone, from a strong and stalwart man to a paranoid, self destructive stranger would have stolen the hope from those less resolute. The entire combination of these tragic events would have put the less determined in the nut house. And yet, true to form, after the dust settled, she slowly began the healing process, returning to life with perhaps more speculation and wariness, but still able to smile, laugh, and even looking forward to the possibility of love. And there are many of us who are currently sad, or have previously felt depressed over a less substantial break up, the only effect on our hearts, not our families, safety or finances. I am not trying to diminish the pain that accompanies this loss, merely trying to put reaction in perspective. When relationships don't work out, there is usually a very good reason. And no matter your belief system, that was the way it was destined to work out. Take stock of what did not work, take time to mourn and recover, (smoke your cigarettes, eat your chocolate, drink your wine, say your prayers, whatever your therapy) and then end the suffering. You were most likely spared an ill suited match, to allow you the opportunity to grow, mature and meet your prince charming. Fight the funk! Respond to your future. You can think of a hundred reasons "not" to do something, but you only need one to do something.