The blissful in between

As I sit down to write my marriage vows, I think about the final, leap of faith I am taking in the exciting, challenging, exultant journey I started 8 short months ago, when I met my fiancee. I feel a combination of happiness, mild anxiety and excitement regarding our life together..How does one envision "forever" with the individual with whom you are about to make a lifetime commitment. There is the fantasy, there is the reality, and there is the blissful in between. One cannot begin to know how things will turn out vs. how they want things to turn out. When we first planned our lives, we did so anticipating the ease of renting out my condo, successfully integrating our households, lives, with a secure financial cushion as our combined incomes would afford us a life of comfort, and independence. First came the crisis of global economy, the recession, this climate which prevented me from finding a renter, which affected my fiancee's industry and thus caused a cut in his company's workload and his income, even the pharmaceutical industry was affected and I lived with the dread of lay offs, having to lay off staff as well as wondering from day to day if I had true job security. This and other ancillary factors contributed to the potential demise of our plans, and the need to find an alternate course to reach our goal-and so we budgeted, and put our adventures on hold to keep a roof over our heads and security for his children. This endurance of stress and sometime disillusionment, caused us to re-asses the romantically impulsive decision we made to become engaged four short months after meeting. Despite all of the stress, he never wavered in his love, and despite my misgivings and resentment over having to budget for the first time in my life, and the drastic changes in my life (which my mother so aptly reminded me were my choice and thus i should "stop my whining" ) I too knew in the core of my heart that I was supposed to spend my life with this man, that this was something meant for me. We made the choice to love, to endure, and as I signed my renter's lease papers for my condo, and as his company recovered and his hours increased, and my ability to go to Nordstroms returned, (though not as much, rats) I thought, we held our course, we made it through, side by side..
Traditional marriage vows, love honor and obey, no problem there, check..I find humor as I think about the inevitable outcomes that should be presented as a disclaimer with vows. "I will hide all of my bad qualities until the day you place the warm, enveloping gold band across my trembling hand, and then once I have trapped you, out comes the makeup less, crabby shrew who throws away her gym membership for a lifetime of donuts card at crispy cremes+-check. Of course I am joking. Being fairly emotionally honest, and fiercely proud to be myself no matter what, my fiancee will not be horrifically surprised at some awful attribute I kept hidden under a rock until the day he was "mine". For example, shall we combust the 50s inspired fantasy of the man coming home to his dazzling housewife in her red stiletto's, shiny apron and perfectly coiffed hair; with a cheese souffle warming in the oven? As a home worker, with a stressful job in pharmaceutical research that requires me to work well above the typical 8 hr day, I rarely wear make up during the week, and my requisite job uniform consists of sweats and one of my fiancees t shirts. Likewise he is an electrical engineer in the boating industry and comes home smelling of sea salt and sweat from an honest day's work. And the end of times would not cause me to forgo my gym membership, as I am neurotic about my weight and go into a tail spin over a minimal gain. The point is, we presented our emotional and honest selves the day we met, and have done so ever since. That honestly I believe has held us together through some pretty challenging times that would have thwarted less stern and stalwart hearts.
I am looking forward to the "blissful in between" of our lives. I have found someone who accepts me unconditionally, the good, the bad, the ugly..As he knows there has to be a plethora of both positive and negative traits to comprise a balanced person. I look forward to the reality of a challenging life, and the peace of absolute comfort and vulnerability that your every trait has been exposed and accepted (though not always beloved) by your partner. I want my marriage vows to reflect the wonderful, difficult, challenging, joyful, exultant and triumphant journey that brought me to this point. The blissful in between, tears and laughter, chaos and peace, reality and bliss..That is what I want my life to be.