Love does not hide

I was recently reminded of what I consider the most the most provoking and passionate lesson I learned about love, one that impacted me greatly, leading me to a strengthened realization to never accept less than what I deserve or compromise my ideals for mere companionship. This lesson provided a crucial impetus to leave an ex who had wronged me out of cowardice, not malice. This decision also unwittingly became the source of my latest weekly blog, in the form of an email from said ex after several years of silence. Apparently he had “found” my blog and perused the archives, focusing on one written regarding my sometimes destructive impulsive bent to manipulate my environment due to admitted impatience and try to force feelings or emotions that needed to evolve naturally. He highlighted the text he considered relevant to this compulsion and attempted to use it as justification for our demise, that I “pushed” him to feel for me what he wanted to “happen” naturally. If we had continued at his snail’s pace I may have received a ring and the “love” words I once longed for (that never came) by the time I was too old to hear yet alone comprehend them. And while he was partially correct with regard to my impatience, he seemed to have forgotten the main reason why I left the relationship, his cowardice. Previous to him I had foolishly dated his co worker, and during the course of our relationship I accepted his propensity for secrecy regarding our tryst and the rationale for this elicit behavior, the imagined negative repercussions and affect on his career should it be discovered that he was dating his buddy’s ex girlfriend. Hiding in the grocery store behind the organic tomatoes for fear of discovery and repercussion upon a possible glimpse of his ‘friends’, never attending work functions or events for the same reason. This created unnecessary shame within me and I began to question my self worth, as deep in my heart I knew that true love, the love I desired and deserved, feels neither shame with its origin nor mystery with its evolution. Love derives strength from admission and acknowledgement, with no need to perpetuate a hidden nature or intent. The final realization of this horrific compromise came a mere month before his return from a six month work trip, having notified me that he had to “work” on said date of return and therefore prohibiting me from meeting him after months of longing to see him. In truth he was afraid of his "buddies" seeing me there and thus with him. I saw through this ridiculous ploy and sadly though later thankfully realized that if this individual was willing to let this insecurity navigate his decision and thus override his desire to acknowledge our relationship, that his fear of reprisal proved more substantial than his feelings for me, and that if I accepted this story I would be embracing the ultimate compromise of my self worth. It was quite easy for me to depart the relationship after that. And he is and continues to be a good person. And I would like to think that he regrets this decision and the pain it caused me. The lesson I learned I will pass onto you dear reader. Don’t ever be anyone’s “dark secret”. Love warms in the sunshine and grows in the open air. Its true brevity eclipses any shame or dark intent, if it is genuine. If someone truly loves you, they will be proud to proclaim it loudly, be willing, nay desirous to acknowledge it and you at any given moment, and if it brings shame nor embarrassment then it is not worth the extent of those useless emotions. Love draws strength and realization from wonderful attention and acknowledgment and this perpetuates confidence and truth. This I know, for daily this is demonstrated to me by the one who is proud to love me.