Forgiveness

The old adage “when you point a finger, three are pointing back at you” never rang more loudly or more true than this month.
It seems that falling in love irreparably clouded my brain and my judgment, in so much that it precluded me from remembering that people are human and thus prone to error, myself included. Love does not provide a waiver, with its establishment, against imperfection. And as much as I want my partner to be perfect and never disappoint me, this is as assured as the snow dropping in San Diego, unrealistic and futile. I get wrapped up in my self righteous indignation over real or imagined slights that fate decides on a painful intervention, my conscience, which reels its ugly head much like a stinging scorpion. Deceiving as the initial bite does not seem fierce, a mere piercing of skin, but the poison infiltrates and once it reaches fruition, boy does it smart. Providing a well needed reminder that all armor has chinks, and your white knight upon the strongly referenced steed is not perfect, and will make mistakes which you should ultimately forgive and disregard. I ask myself, am I not forgiven when I am at fault? Especially from the one who endures my moodiness and sometimes judgment prone nature. The one who cooks my dinner, takes care of the house while I am traveling, and takes time every day to remind me that he loves me and is thinking of me, no matter how busy or overwhelmed he may be. . And this is where I hang my head in shame, for I am sometimes quick to anger, slow to forgive, and like the blasted proverbial elephant, I seem to remember and thus hold onto everything negative as my protective shield. This habit, though fruitless, is something developed and perfected throughout my single years, which consisted mainly of me giving what others willingly took, with not much return on my investment of time and attention. I am accustomed to disappointment and thus expect it. No excuse, but the gods truth. And how does that serve me-with a building of resentment and anger grown massive in proportion and hardly the equivalent to the incident that spurred its unnecessary and ridiculous growth. Thus causing misdirected anger over the most trivial of “sins”.
I shall try to remember that the one I love does not keep a tally of all my wrong doings, and there is no benefit wrought from harboring sadness and resentment. When a mistake is made, unless the gravity of the error causes permanent damage and destruction to trust, I shall endeavor to let it go and remember that I am never reminded of my flaws and always blessedly forgiven for my multitude of mistakes, with nary a mention of their occurrence by my other and “better” half.