A graceful way to break up

Though I have many happy recollections of my single life, I unfortunately don't share that same fond memory for the breakups. The sometimes pathetic and down right cruel way the relationship tie was severed by an ex. And likewise similar recountings by disparaged and weepy friends questioning their self worth as a result of said "dump". Thus begs the question- Is there a graceful or gracious way to break up with someone? And if so, why couldn't those, so disparaged, have been the recipient of kinder words than those harsh ones that caused self esteem to plummet and hearts to break in a thousand disillusioned shards. The requisite, meaningless excuses or complete absence of communication (see blog entitled "fiery car crash" for more details) employed during a breakup can wreak havoc on an already vulnerable heart, and leads one to wonder why someone chooses that option when they have the opportunity to break away gracefully, honestly and prevent a lot of upset on both sides?


I have heard a million break up lines, the one time my ex called to speak to me as if any other evening's conversation, only to suddenly tell me things did not "feel right" an hour into our discussion of our impending weekend plans. Or the slick rick who called my close friend at 7am, the morning after their glorious overnight trip to San Franciso, to tell her he thought they were getting "too close". Of the many things they discussed during their mini holiday, his "five year plan" for them as a couple. Or at 18, the gorgeous marine sargeant who decided to let my high school friend Jamie know he was no longer interested in her by asking out another mutual friendI wonder if "sargeant idiot" thought Jamie would take that not so subtle hint of his ending their relationship. And to add insult to injury-this so called other friend called my friend Jamie to ask permission to go out with this guy-seriously. Justice was delivered for Jamie when we heard through the grapevine that our friend had a suprise visit to the gynecologist soon after her first date with the marine for a malady that Jamie was thankfully spared. My favorite break up excuse is the complete absence of excuse-your supposed lover just does not bother to show up to an arranged engagement, or ever call you again. I never understood that one. I have heard pathetic arguements to support this action, "it is the kinder, better way" or "she will get the hint without a weepy confrontation". Translation, it is easier for the coward thus engaging in these actions to flake out rather than confront and resolve. Or, there was not phone call because someone's hand was broken or cut off at the limb. My friends and I laugh retrospectively laugh over some of these shared experiences slash humiliations. But to all those considering breaking off a relationship, I humbly request that you adhere to the golden rule "do unto others as you would have them do unto you". Approach with honesty, be respectful, communicative and attempt to leave yourself and your soon to be exes dignity intact. The shoe may very well be on the other foot soon enough, and trust me you can only die in a fiery car crash one in a lifetime.