What I am thankful for.

On this Thanksgiving eve, I feel compelled to be extraordinarily cliché and bust out the requisite “what am I thankful for”.
I find myself wistfully reflecting upon my years of dating and what I have experienced. I feel great satisfaction for the wonderful, character building lessons learned, though a little regretful at what cost, righteous indignation over mistreatment, sadness for what I endured and compromised in the name of love, outright laughter over some of the hilarious and idiotic individuals I encountered and their circumstances unwittingly thrust upon me, and overwhelming relief to have finally found someone I love, utterly and passionately, with blissful reciprocity and a full understanding of the importance of timing and circumstance fully synchronized.
I am thankful that I won’t have to debate a restroom call before the dinner bill appears for worry that my seemingly cheap first date won’t do the right thing and pick up the tab, as he did ask ME out. He did not preface this with a “dutch” suggestion.
I am thankful to avoid the uncomfortable, yet intense staring contest that ensues across said dinner bill as my date tries to psychically manipulate my mind into feigning feminism and picking up the dinner tab.
I am thankful to no longer endure the hideous breath and trickle of slobber that follows the horrific blind date attempt at a “good night” kiss. This is best avoided by a preempted request for “drive by and drop off” at the corner intersection nearest your house at the conclusion of the date.
I am thankful to not have to rationalize to my friends or myself picking up my date at his parents’ house, which is really his house, as he cannot afford his own place, nor a car, as he is steeped in student loan debt, though he did not finish college, while trying to “find” himself, though he can be found in the nearest strip bar any given Friday night.
I am thankful to no longer feel compelled to date anyone I feel sorry for due to a medical condition, a bad divorce, or loathe to break up despite my lack of physical attraction or chemistry as he is “such a nice guy”.
I am thankful to have extricated myself from the clutches of any dishonest manipulator who tries to convince me of my lack of self worth to compensate for his poor self esteem.
I am thankful to have the gumption to slap any loser who feels it is alright to paw my backside at a nightclub.
I am thankful for wonderful friends who have the propensity to see and verbalize when someone is not right for me, when I lack the clarity for myself.
I am thankful to not have to see in person how badly my match date did not resemble his profile pictures, big ears, bad skin, beer gut in full glory. Gotta love photo shop.
I am thankful for the wonderful family and friends who surround and protect me, motivate me, teach me, call me out on my ridiculous immaturity and always provide the unselfish love and support that grounds and directs me.