The grading system

If dating had a grading system, I would unfortunately average out to a straight C- for my cumulative experiences and subsequent behaviors and reactions to duress.
Early twenties-F-hormonal and lonely=settling for anything with a pair of new Z cavaricci’s and a pulse
Early thirties-C-less hormonal but still lonely=settling for less than I deserve, someone with an education and an income but less than stellar manners or consideration
Mid thirties-C-still hormonal but cognizant of respect and reciprocity-the balance and consideration required for a healthy relationship. Standards rose exponentially.
Latter thirties-B+-Embrace the need for reciprocity and respect and what I deserve. Grow tired of making things happen with disappointing results, give up desperate need to be in relationship, go on with my life and ultimately meet the man of my dreams
I never quite understood the benefits of what I considered cliché and outdated phrases, “thinking before I acted”, “quelling impulsive behavior”, “patience is a virtue” and “men love the chase”.
Naturally I acted before thinking, gave into all impulses, did not take a breath, reassess and let things happen as they should and finally, never quite let men chase me, which resulted in me chasing them out of the proverbial door and thus relationship.
Older, wiser, less reckless, more patience and discrimination as well as not having to make things happen and be the leader in relationships have resulted in me finding my heart’s desire and wonderful love.
I had a wonderful example throughout this turbulent, ecstatic, painful learning process. A dear friend with whom I have stayed close for nigh upon 18 years. Always cool, always confident, she has an aura of elusivity and discrimination that men find irresistible. She dated like a true professional, had swains lined up out the door and truly perfected the art of the chase by being her happy, smiling confident self, thus conquering hearts all over San Diego. .
If only I had followed suit and thus prevented my own debacles, but as they say “live and learn”. Some of us require a hard knocking with the reality hammer to learn the important lessons.
The irony of this is that while her “MO” has always been to take it slow, and date distinctively, juggling two or three men and enjoying the attention in pursuit of her perfect match, (much to our envy and chagrin, would she EVER choose) she has finally found her perfect match, who promptly informed her that while he really saw potential in her, he wanted to “take things slowly”. She acquiesced with a knowing smile, and responded in kind that she agreed with his distinction.
Not karmic debt but rather an even meeting of minds, unequivocal balance and opportunity for a slow and steady courtship.
And even if she assumed my former role of impatience and anxiety, she would never let anyone know-always maintaining a calm and cool aura. Brat that she is.
And I admire her immensely for this.

Love is...

I have found that my idea of love has dramatically changed and can only be expressed through these words-
Love is waking to a lazy smile and slightest caress of hand against hand as a heavy weight leaves the bed and sure, sweet breath whispers hello to start your day,
It shall never leave you truly alone, nor is it ever far away
Love is awakening to a blazing sun and a warm mug of coffee, with the right amount of creamer, steaming next to the bedside as someone is thinking of you, always thinking of you
Love is an opening of heart to expose raw vulnerability, the allowance of personality and perspective to shine through
Enabling you to crack your silly jokes, dance your silly dance, think your random, sometimes deep, sometimes silly, sometimes dark, foreboding thoughts, with acceptance
Love is understanding that people are multidimensional with layers exposed and like the onion can taste both bitter and sweet
Love is the alliance without necessary agreement, for in togetherness, in this union lay strength and not defeat
Love understands that one day you may smile, and one day you may rage, the moods may vacillate and shift but the loyalty and devotion remain constant despite the change
Love is making an effort to love friends and embrace family even if feigned show of interest, gritting of teeth and hindrance of opinion when the company is not to your choosing
Love is raw passion, staid emotion, with components of occasional boredom and solidarity
Love does not come from a checking account balance, investment portfolio-the superficial forces that use to drive me
Love is the completion of once bereft, of standing alongside when one was once left,
Alone
Love is the sweet, greeting welcome mat as you arrive home